I will say one thing about Disney Magic: it is real. If you saw Jacob’s face light up the first time he saw Mickey Mouse, how excited he was, you’d believe it too. It was a beautiful Disney TV commercial moment. The sort that makes the long-ass lines and $3 sodas all worthwhile.

That was four years ago—the first time we went to Disney World. This time, Jacob could care less about Mickey. He was all about the Tower of Terror. Thanks Disney infomercial channel. He rode it. We all did, even Nicholas. Nicholas was terrified. I’m still fielding questions about what a service elevator is and why there were “ghost-es” when the doors opened.

One kid loves, one kid hates the Teacups at Disney World Orlando

Nicholas was also scared of the teacups (above). And the Bug’s Life show, the Star Wars ride, the Great Movie Ride, the Dinosaur ride, the Buzz Lightyear one, the Stitch one, the Pirates of the Caribbean one…. He hated anything dark and loud which is basically every ride at Disney World. We could have saved a lot of money by staying home, turning out the lights and yelling at him.

He did like Splash Mountain tho. Go figure.

Terrified of the fireworks at Disney World Orlando
Nicholas was also paralyzed by the fireworks. “They’re shooting at us,” he told Grandpa.

Animal Kingdom at Disney World Orlando

Going warp speed at Disney World Orlando

Animal Kingdom & Hollywood Studios at Disney World Orlando

I hope the kids enjoyed it, but the real measure is: They haven’t asked when we’re going back. Which is all cool with me.

And the Disney Magic? Gone. Lost somewhere between an 120-minute wait for a 7-minute ride, the looong walk from the handicap parking, the heat (seriously everything in the parks is fake, they can figure out how to make some shade), the clusterf*ck at the ferry/monorail after the fireworks, the thumbprinting, the extortionate pricing, etc.

We did have some fun and enjoyed spending time with family, but I think next summer we’ll sweat, stand in line and spend too much somewhere else.

Magic Kingdom

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Hollywood Studios

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Animal Kingdom

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